When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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