Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
