just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
