In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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