i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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