So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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