Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
