i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
