I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
