Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
