Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
