just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
