I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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