last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
