Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She tied me up with her honor cords...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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