She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
