you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
