So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
