my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
