Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
