So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
