I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
3pm strippers are depressing
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
