ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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