My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
