so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
