no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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