i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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