I'm drive I can fine osifer
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
