I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my being single is dangerous.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
