Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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