How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
