So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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