I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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