two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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