if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
