Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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