Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(951): View more from California

I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.

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(210): View more from Texas

Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.

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(319): View more from Iowa

Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?

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(404): View more from Georgia

You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.

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(314): View more from Missouri

The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.

(816): View more from Missouri

Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security

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(845): View more from New York

I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it

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