I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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