I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Also, beer. Big fan.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
