just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
