i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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