it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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