i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
