so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
