She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
