just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
