Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
