when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
