We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
