Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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